May 2010
1 post
I’m having one of those moments. I don’t know if I can’t sleep, or if I don’t want to sleep. Part of me wants to stay up all night, just because I can. I wonder why I don’t want to just go lay in bed, close my eyes. My thoughts have been a riot of emotions lately, bouncing back and forth. Not enough to worry me yet, but enough that I have my guard up. My word...
April 2010
3 posts
“I remember being sad at 19. But now, the last night of my 20s, all I can say is,...”
– @onthestorm. Someone remind me to say this in one year and two months. Exactly.
“Seriously, if I’d known this is where my life was gonna end up, I’d...”
All I want is silence.
March 2010
1 post
Sometimes I just feel like I’m too old to keep doing this.
February 2010
1 post
January 2010
9 posts
Sometimes I sincerely doubt my ability to be a good person.
However, I have a dog now and he is perfect, so maybe I’ll let him be the good person instead.
Hurt.
I do not remember the last time my whole body just ached this much. I should be asleep, fast asleep, long asleep. It’s almost two in the morning. But here I am, wide awake (and so alive?) when I need not to be. I just typoed “be” as “bed”, so what does that tell you? I can hear him upstairs, snoring, and I know that won’t help when I do eventually make my...
“Don’t go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing....”
– Mark Twain (via iamtea-rriffic) (via quote-book)
Mistakes.
The other day, I got a card in the mail, not addressed to me, or anyone in my house. Same address, but an unfamiliar name. We’ve recently moved, but it wasn’t to the previous owner, either. I guess curiosity got the best of me, I figured it was just a little Christmas card, so I opened it. Inside was not just a card, but one of those $100 pre-paid credit cards. Shit. I knew I had to send it...
December 2009
2 posts
I don’t know which is worse, being let down, or the fact that I’m getting used to it entirely too much where certain people are concerned.
November 2009
8 posts
Honor.
Two o’clock in the morning. Three twenty in the afternoon. 10 AM. Snow and ice. Rainstorms. Hot, oppressive humidity weighing on them like a blanket. Picture perfect spring days. Northern Montana. Fort Lauderdale. Texas desert. Time, weather, locations, they all changed. Every day, though, the messages stayed the same.
Sometimes it was a long drive from the base to the house. Word...
All I want right now is silence.
Finally back to the land of the living. Or at least the internet.
I feel incredibly disconnected and put off. I hate holidays and I hate moving, and never again am I combining them. I miss my routines. I want all these boxes gone and out of my house. I want some sense of normalcy again. Hopefully this weekend won’t throw me too much and I’ll get things done.
Fingers crossed.
Words.
Short hand and extended silences. Not uncomfortable silences, but companionable ones. Ones that are filled with more than words can ever really communicate. Feet in his lap, a relaxed hand on her leg, absently rubbing circles on her skin. Unbroken. Never ending. He asks for “that thing…you know…” and she hands him exactly what he wants. It’s effortless between...
I tried not to show how startled I was at the voice, but jumping three feet in the air probably didn’t help my case at all. Pressing my back against the door, my free hand, the one not holding my heels, snaked behind me and grabbed the door knob. Never know when you’ll have to make a quick exit. “I—no. No one. Just not really a party kind of girl.” Whoever this...
October 2009
3 posts
“So fail. Be bad at things. Be embarrassed. Be afraid. Be vulnerable. Go out on a...”
– Unknown (via creampuff)
Canada.
It seems like when people went across the boarder, shit got weird. Of course, a few nights of no sleep probably wasn’t helping matters. Neal sat outside the coffee shop, slouched low in his seat, cigarette dangling from his lips as he tried to stay out of the sun, away from the passing people. His head was still throbbing a little from last night, and he alternated sips of ice water and...
September 2009
5 posts
Part one.
When I say that this all began at a concert, I lied. Forgive me. Don’t forgive me. Your choice. In truth, it all began….oh, hell, I’ll just let her tell it.
It all began, actually, when I was 9 and my family moved from one little tiny town in Arkansas to another, tinier town in Arkansas. Population a couple hundred, I kid you not. I lived back on an old farm that had been...
Interlude.
Sometimes, I just want to scream. I want to pound on the floor and beat down the walls in order to make people realize I have a voice. I want to shout at the top of my lungs, until my throat is raw and my eyes are dry again. You don’t know my demons, you don’t know my fears. The unspeakables. The ones who should not exists are there in my peripheral. They’re waiting for the...
In progress.
It started at a concert. All great love stories seem to involve music somehow, so why should this one be any different? She didn’t even mean to fall in love with him, hell, she didn’t know who he was before the show. Or at the show. It wasn’t until after the concert was over, the bar cleaned up, equipment backed up and the whole place locked up that she even met him. Or...
Snapshot
Three very distinct laughs. Three very distinct girls. It was fitting. It was pitch black and unless you came up on them, you would never be able to hear them over the crash of the waves they were immersed in. Alcohol warmed their blood from the freezing water, and they were having too much fun to even notice it. None of them even cared, so caught up in the moment they were having on a night...
August 2009
3 posts
I'm no better than when I left here the first...
Music tended to flow through him like blood through others. His heart didn’t beat, it simply kept time. He would swear, never outloud, never to others, that it changed to match his mood, his song. The two were often interchangable. He would lock himself away when the bad outweighed the good, pouring the words he couldn’t put together to speak onto paper. It was never meant for his...
8-1-09, 8:14PM
I need to stop censoring myself. This is supposed to be anonymous, no one knows who I am if they happen to stumble upon it. I could unload my deepest, darkest secrets, and yet I don’t. I type, then delete, write a paragraph, then open apple + a, delete button. I don’t know if I’m not ready to have my words out there yet, or if I’m too scared that one day someone I know...
July 2009
3 posts
City By The Sea - 4/16/2002
I walk the two and a half blocks to the beach quickly, sidetepping small children and barely pausing and the crosswalks before I dart across them. My flip flops, cheap, picked up at the dollar store before this last minute trip, slap the wooden ramp to the boardwalk. I cross it, keeping my pace, and then the slap down the steps to the beach. I pause for a moment, finally still, slipping my...
“Forward on
We march with solace
Knowing that we’ll never be alone...”
– MKW, Circles’ Anthem